ようやくこの生徒がとりあげたい問題・主張・理由・根拠が明確になりましたね。ここからいよいよ英語に直していきます。
ところで，スピーチ原稿やエッセイをいきなり英語で書こうとするのは，初心者にとってあまり良い練習方法とは言えません。
まずはメモ程度で良いので日本語で書きたいことを論理的に構成し，その段階でいったん指導を受けること。英語で表現する前に内容をしっかりと構築しましょう。
では，まず第1段落から。
(1) Introduction: 主張(国際コミュニケーションには英語力が重要)
What do you think is most important for communication? A positive attitude? A warm welcoming smile? Having a good heart? Some people say, “To communicate, we only need a strong heart. Without it, it would be useless to learn numerous English words and difficult grammar at school.” Of course, all these things are important: a good attitude, smiling and having a good heart.…I think I have them. However, during this summer vacation, I learned exactly what really is most important for communication.
問題を提起して主張を述べます。反対の主張を挙げて論点をクリアにしています。
(2) Body1: 体験(英語力を試すためアメリカ旅行へ)
I went on an international tour to New York. I wanted to use English in real everyday life situations, because I had studied English very hard ever since I entered junior high school. I recited all the sentences in the textbooks, took online conversation lessons every day, wrote my diary in English, and watched many American TV shows. I also always received good grades on the term exams.
段落の中でも，要点(キーセンテンス) ⇔ 具体例を明確に意識して書きます。太字の部分が要点ですね。
(3) Body2: 体験(国際色あふれる参加者の描写)
The members of the tour were indeed very international. There was an Australian couple, a Philippine family, a German lady, families from Hong Kong and Israel.
(4) Body3: 体験(日常会話レベルでは英語が通じた)
From visiting the Niagara falls to having dinner together, I greatly enjoyed our many conversations. We talked about our families, our countries, Taylor Swift, and so much more. They all spoke English well and my English worked.
この2つの段落は統合してもいいですね。あくまで前フリです。
(5) Body4: 体験(高度な内容を英語で表現できなかった)
But that was up until we went to the Metropolitan Museum. During the guided tour at the museum, all the other international students around my age asked the guide many questions and made their comments very confidently. Except me. I was unable to express myself in English. I was the only student who remained silent in the group. I was so shocked. There was something lacking in my English ability.
主張の根拠となる体験を描写します。この段落はこのスピーチを人に伝える価値のあるものにする心臓部です。
(6) Conclusion: 主張(国際コミュニケーションには高度な英語力が必要)
When we see beautiful scenery or have something delicious, we can certainly smile and just say “very good!” and we share our feelings. However, that is only one part of communication. We need to learn English more academically in order to be able to express ourselves clearly, especially in public. Difficult words and grammar are not just for grades in our school tests, but they are essential for complete and meaningful communication.
結論部(conclusion)では主張を繰り返します。ここでも，
日常会話＝ハートで通じる ／ 高度な会話＝英語力が必要
という対比を明確にします。
(7) Conclusion: 主張(国際コミュニケーションに必要な英語力の習得に向けて)
I won’t be satisfied with just everyday conversations. I want to go beyond an ordinary conversation. I want to talk about art, literature, history and social problems with people from all over the world. I want to discuss, share my opinion, persuade people and to negotiate, instead of just asking the way to the station. As I wish to fulfill these objectives, I will continue to study English.
最後のまとめです。「日常会話の先へ(go beyond an ordinary conversation)」という印象的なフレーズを効かせます。
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この段階でも，書かれたエッセイとしては完成と言っても良いでしょう。ですが，聴衆を惹きつけるスピーチとしては，もの足りない部分があります。次は，この骨組みとそれに従った肉付けを維持しながら，最後の飾り付けをしていきます。
(続きます)
